Dance.

Tonight I danced for the first time in a long time. It was weird at first, almost awkward; I was stiff and unfeeling. I couldn’t get into any kind of rhythm or flow. It seemed like my body had forgotten the fluid movement that used to be so familiar to me. So I just played music and paced and thought. Dance used to be a very key form of worship for me; if you’ve known me for a long time, you’ll know that I was always one to be jumping and spinning and dancing around. It was almost more common to see me dancing than walking or simply standing. But a of couple years ago I went through a but of a rougher few years and I stopped dancing. Even around my house, there were no pointed feet or little spins. During my DTS almost two years ago, I danced a couple of times, but I never really used it in worship. It seemed like subconsciously I had removed dancing from my list of worship methods. So tonight as I stood there, all alone and awkward, I decided I wanted to change that. I had been playing secular music, music that should have been easy to flow with, but my creativity and emotion seemed dry. I changed tunes. Literally, I changed my music. I put the song on It Is Well by Bethel and let those lyric coarse through me. It was like I was commanding my soul to be well, to be ok with this. I let my hair down, closed my eyes and listened. Then my arms were moving. Next my feet. Then there were turns and jumps. From there I seemed to take flight. I got lost in rhythms and lyrics. As I moved I cried. I haven’t felt this raw or free in a long time. Tonight I opened up a part of my heart that I had once numbed and it felt so good.

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