i belong

I’ve been told that we learn something new everyday. As I don’t keep a log of all the new things I learn, I cannot say that that is, in fact, a true statement. However, I can say that I learned something new today and that is an incredibly true statement. It would also be my privilege to share with you what it is that I learned.

I’ll set the scene for you a bit:

I’m a rather relationship-oriented person. I love people a lot, even though I am quite introverted as well. I love having friends and being around people (not constantly, but at least a little bit everyday). For all of my life I have always had so many people in my life and I have based who I am off of what I can do for others. I like taking care of people and I often take on a pretty maternal relationship with younger people. I’ve always viewed my existence as something to attach to other peoples’, not as it’s own event. I’ve lived a life discontent with being me. I needed others to define who I was.

Fast forward a few years and you come to last year. I made a massive turn from being this people focused person to completely shutting myself up. I retreated into myself and used being introverted as an excuse to avoid relationship. See, I had been hurt at one point and I had begun to fear closeness with others. I went from one extreme to the other. From hanging out with people everyday, to holing up in my room for hours and hours. I learned to be too contented with being alone. I then felt like I didn’t need anyone. I was who I was and I was made to be alone.

The lie of being alone leached itself into every area of my being. Fear began to play a pretty huge part in who I as becoming. I feared being hurt so I avoided relationship, but I also feared being alone so I tried to attach myself to people. Over the last few years,  have become quite a jumble of a person with hopes and fears that seem all out of place.

Over the last few days, the wheels in my mind have been spinning quite a bit. I’ve been questioning a lot of things about who I am and what makes me who I am. Today I decided to take it to God and ask him about who I was. At lunch time I went and found a nice little spot in the sun and put some music on. The first song that came on was Where I Belong by Cory Asbury; it’s definitely one of my favorite songs and there is something about it that sticks right in my heart. The lyrics of the song say. “I finally found where I belong, in your presence. I finally found where I belong, just to be with you.” When I heard this, I knew.

I think I’ve finally found where I belong and I have no intention of ever leaving.

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