From Bee to You

letters

Dear Grandma Laird,

Hey. So this is kind of weird, and hard. I didn’t really get know you, and now that you’re gone I guess I won’t get to. That makes me really sad. I don’t have many memories of you either. I guess it’s been a while since I saw you – we haven’t spoken in nearly ten years I think. It’s weird to think that you’re gone now, because I feel like I don’t know what it’s like to really have you here with me. Now that you’re gone, it doesn’t feel that different, except that it’s really sad right now. I wanted to know you. I wanted to talk to you about the things that I’m doing around the world . I wanted to sit and have coffee with you and hear about what your life was like. I thought about coming to see you some times, but I didn’t think that you would want to see me. I don’t understand how you could leave. I was ten or eleven the last time I saw you. How could you not want to know me? Why didn’t you even send birthday cards? I was so confused about why you didn’t love us, and I still don’t understand, but I’ve gotten used to not knowing you. When I learned this morning that you had passed away, I was really sad. I always hoped that one day our family would be reunited and that we would come visit you in the summer time again like we used to when I was little. But then I was angry. We didn’t stop trying to love you, but you stopped. You stopped talking to us. You stopped letting us come to see you. And now I’m just sad again. I won’t ever get to know you, not like I wanted to. And I don’t know what you were like when things were better. I don’t remember what it felt like when you hugged me when I was little. I don’t remember what colour your eyes were. And I don’t know where you are now; we never got to talk about if you knew Jesus or not, so I guess I won’t know if you’re in heaven until I get there. I really hope you are. But until I know that I will try to remember. I’ll try to remember summers in Penticton. I’ll try to remember going for lunch and laughing about happy things. Because I didn’t know you, but I wanted to.

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