Today has an odd sense of finality to it, though I still have about ten days left here in Newcastle. I know my time here hasn’t quite finished yet, but I know that it soon will. And I want to be prepared for that moment. I don’t want to be surprised by the fact that I’m leaving, which may sound silly, but it’s true. And I want that, not just for me, but for my work place as well. I don’t want to be gone and then there be something go wrong that only I can fix when I’m not there to fix it. I want this place to be ready for me to go, though it seems that may never happen.
Leaving began to feel very real earlier this week as I began to sort through clothing and pack my odds and ends in my room. However, today it is really starting to sink in. After our staff meeting wrapped up, I walked into my office and, after looking around, realized that it really was ‘my office’. I had set the computer up according to my personal preferences, my tea was arranged on the book shelf that was taking up very unnecessary space, and my mug had its space next to my pen cup on the desk. This particular office had been ‘my desk’ for over a year and I’d grown rather attached to it. So I made the decision that I needed to cut the cord today.
I packed up my tea and moved the bookshelf. I took out my pens and sticky notes. I cleared all my accounts and saved passwords off of the iMac. I was left with a clean, empty, fresh office. It didn’t look particularly welcoming or cozy. The Downton Abbey calendar wasn’t there anymore adding it’s charming quotes. Initially I was deeply saddened as I truly realized this job is coming to an end. I have loved getting to work in an office and do amazing things. Being on staff here at YWAM Newcastle has been so much more than a job, it’s become a home, a lifestyle, a joy. My office isn’t just an office, it’s a space for me to do the things I love and to be challenged and grow. That office has seen its share of victories, defeats, smiles, and tears.
Today I began the process of saying goodbye to that space and this job. To my space. To my job.
Though it hasn’t been all sob stories and sniffles. It really hasn’t been too sad because I realized something. This job has been life changing to me and I am sad to leave this place, but my going makes room for growth and change. My job won’t just get taken on by the next person, it’ll be transformed and modified. It’ll turn into something even more incredible than it was to me. And, though my office won’t be my office anymore, it’ll become a new space. A space for people to be mobilized in teams around the world. A space for people to think and solve problems. A space for people to change lives and nations.
I am sad to say goodbye, but my expectations of what is to come next in this place are huge and I’m beyond excited to see how this place grows and changes even after I am gone.