Jan 12 – Hello

Hello,

I suppose it’s been a while since we’ve talked or seen each other. You’re different now and I don’t really know what to think about that. It’s been ages since I’ve felt like I knew you. We were around 14 years old when we were truly best friends, but we remained ‘on-and-off’ friends until I was about 17. The last few memories I have of you are getting high together on the back porch of Jeremiah’s grandparents house. You pressured me into smoking with you and said that you had wanted this for so long. Somehow that made me feel loved and thought of, but in reality I now know that you just wanted to get into my boyfriend’s stash. The last time I saw you was on Halloween in 2012. We were supposed to go trick-or-treating together with my boyfriend’s little sister. You helped me get all dressed up and we left the house together, but at some point you just disappeared. I don’t remember when it was that you decided to go without saying goodbye, but you did. You left that night to go to a bigger party and hangout with other friends. Months went by and we both founds ourselves in different cities and, while I was getting clean and reinventing myself, you fell further into the world you had claimed as your own. You sold yourself for money and drugs, you gave up on friendships and family. We completely lost touch. You moved back home a year ago and kept up with old habits and friends. I had chosen a new life for myself so I didn’t think you would ever fit back into it. However, a few months ago you discovered that you were pregnant and that changed things. Having a new life growing inside you was the opportunity you needed for a second chance. You’ve been clean now for a few months, which is probably the longest you’ve been so in a long time. You ended things in your destructive relationships, and seemed to climb out of the pit you created for yourself. You are working hard to take care of yourself and your little one. It’s amazing to see you change and grow. Last night I saw you for the first time in four years. You’re different from you were than. Your voice doesn’t sound like it used to. You have a bump where your flat tummy once was. But, best of all, your smile is real when it used to be faked. So I hope that you stay okay and that we can find space for each other again, because I miss you.

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