Jan 22 – Smoke, Fog, Haze

Write about not being able to see ahead of you.

11:15 pm

The dark surrounded me as I stood at the end of my driveway staring back at my lonely house. I was 30 feet away from the place that I felt had trapped me so completely – I felt like those steps were the most freeing ones I would ever take. I felt excited and full of adrenaline, but also a little bit fearful. This was either the best decision of my life or the biggest mistake I would ever make.

Things had gotten hard at home and I just couldn’t fake it anymore. I wasn’t the perfect little princess of a daughter that Mom and Dad wanted me to be. I couldn’t be their expectations and I was just hurting them more by staying at home. If I left I wouldn’t have to lie anymore; it was time to just be myself and live the way I wanted to live.

Yeah. This is the best things for everybody. I thought to myself as I trudged down the road already shivering from the icy wind. This was going to be a long walk. I got to the bridge and that was where my doubts began to surface. What if they call the cops? What if Jackie won’t let me stay with her? What if Luke doesn’t get back tomorrow to make this all okay? What if they never let me come back home? Questions circled through my brain as my blood pumped hard through my body. This had to be the dumbest things I’ve ever done. Running away from home? Was I completely crazy?

Yes. Yes I was. I look back now on that night. Where I chose to leave home and separate myself from all the people who loved me and all the things that were good for me. I gave it all up for a boy I thought was perfect, only to have my hopes completely dashed a few months later. Never had I been so lost then in those months I spent away from home. I was confused about where I belonged and what I wanted. I didn’t understand how the people you loved the most could be the ones to hurt you. I didn’t realize that what I perceived as love was a darker brokenness than I had ever felt before.

That night changed me. At first, for the worst, but as time has passed, it became for the good. If I hadn’t chosen to leave that night, I would never understand the unconditional love of family. I wouldn’t know where I fit in the world. I wouldn’t want to make things better for myself and those around me. That night hurt me and the people I love more deeply than anything else I’ve ever done, but, in the end, it brought us all together to withstand the test of psychotic teenagers.

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