Write about staying quiet when you feel like shouting.
I’m not generally an angry person and I don’t often give in to outbursts of rage in an uncontrolled and unconstrained way. This is a good thing usually as I don’t think that shouting and screaming is going to solve any problems. However, lately, due to a lot of things going on, I find myself infuriated with a desperate need to express the frenzy in my mind. Here is a scenario that I have repeated in my mind for the past several days.
Walking into the room I see her cowering in the corner surrounded by people she pretends to know. Looking up as she hears the door open, she recognizes me and says, “Hey! How’s it going?” Beneath her words are no sincerity, just time and space fillers to avoid the silences she finds so dreadingly awkward.
With fire in my eyes and fury in my bones I walk a straight path towards her. She shrinks back as she realizes that I have no amiable intentions.
“How dare you.” I breathe out harshly as I bore holes in her skull with my fiery glare.
“What do you mean? What’s happened?” She disguises her fear as innocence.
“You truly have no idea do you? No idea that the things you have said have torn people worlds apart? The fear that you act out of and are so drowned in has broken relationships and the people within them. You attempt to act cool and collected, but your insecurity and fear radiates out of you like a lighthouse. You shake when you speak in hopes of being heard, but you lack the confidence to command attention. You claim to be ‘good’ and ‘okay’ but inside you are tormented by what others’ thoughts may be. You make yourself insignificant by your doubt in peoples’ ability to see you for what you truly are – scared, insecure, and alone. You patronize people with your childish talk and your false laughter and expect to get genuine connections with people. You are afraid of your own shadow and I see you for what you are. You are weak.”
The scene unfolds before my eyes alone and I blink as my vision clears. Her fake smile still reaching out to me, begging to be noticed. The fury that burns deep within me is suppressed yet again.
“Hey. I’m alright, how are you?” I make my words as empty as hers and force a cold smile. Time to keep quiet once more.